“Doing the right thing daily, compounds over time.” John C. Maxwell
Every waking moment you are making choices. Big ones. Little ones. Conscious ones. Reactive ones. Habitual ones. And they all impact your marriage. Even when they seem to have little to do with it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about choices recently. My own and the ones my clients make.
Sometimes the choices I make are about attaining a goal. Sometimes they’re based on staying in my comfort zone. I make some out of laziness and some out of ignorance. Even the topic of this post is a choice.
Quite frequently, the choice involves change and that’s where so many of us get stuck. There is something you want but pushing yourself to get there doesn’t feel good.
If you’re like me, that means you might make a half-hearted effort. Or you go all in but get burned out when you don’t see the effort paying off. (Think crowded gyms in January that thin out by March.)
I choose to go to CrossFit four times a week because I want to stay strong and healthy. I also choose not to look at the workout until I’m literally at the Box. Often my reaction is, “You want me to do WHAT?” But, because I’m already there, I take a moment to process my resistance and then make the choice to do my best. Frequently that pushes me out of my comfort zone. It also makes me stronger.
So many are not satisfied with their marriage. Maybe even you. So, what gets in your way of making choices that support it?
Choices like being kind, loving, and respectful–even if your partner isn’t.
Responsibility, Not Blame for Your Marriage
"The single most empowering thing you can do is take responsibility for yourself, 100% of the time." Mel Robbins If you’ve ever had an argument with your wife and found yourself mentally building a case for why you were right, you’re not alone. You remember what she...
You’ve Changed But Your Wife Doesn’t Trust It
"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right." Tony Robbins There’s a statistic every married man should know: Women initiate roughly 67% to 90% of divorces, depending on the study and the population being measured. The...
Own Your Part Without Taking All the Blame
"I will keep constant watch over myself and‚ most usefully‚ will put each day up for review." Seneca When things go wrong in your marriage, it’s easy to start building a case. You remember what she said. You remember what you said. You can probably point to the moment...
I often hear from my clients that they had “no choice” but to fight with their partner. That their partner “made” them mad or called them a name so they had to retaliate in some way.
No. You. Don’t.
You have the choice to behave better than they do. But:
- You don’t have the skill set, or
- You don’t think your partner deserves better treatment than they give, or
- You aren’t seeing immediate results
Whatever the reason, your marriage is suffering.
And you’re not using the power you have to change it. This power is independent of your partner’s actions.
It’s all about the choices you decide to make.
It’s an excuse to believe you need your partner to make changes at the same time you do. When you change your behavior, your partner will change theirs. Often without realizing it’s happening. Because you have altered your side of the pattern, theirs cannot remain the same.
By doing what you know is beneficial to your marriage, you invite your partner to do the same. And that’s a win-win-win.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know what choices you’re making to create a great marriage.
