“ Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” Helen Keller
It’s the time of year when many people are reviewing the best and worst moments. You may have seen the lists for Top 10 Movies, Books, or Places to Visit. Maybe you’ve even created your own lists. But have you identified your Top Ten Marriage Moments?
For some of you, this will be easy. In fact, you might have a hard time limiting yourself to ten. In that case, Congratulations!
For others, you may struggle to name even one.
That is completely understandable if you know how your brain is wired.
Happiness studies show it takes 3-5 positive interactions to outweigh one negative one. That’s how powerful a negative experience can be.
Your brain is primed to focus on the things that you perceive as harmful. It’s how humans are designed to stay alive.
It can also mislead you into thinking things are worse than they are. Because once the negative slant takes over, it can be extremely difficult for the positive moments to register. (Hence the above ratio.)
If you can turn your attention to finding the positive interactions, your view of your marriage can shift.
So that is my challenge to you—Find 10 positive moments in your marriage that happened this year.
Responsibility, Not Blame for Your Marriage
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You’ve Changed But Your Wife Doesn’t Trust It
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Own Your Part Without Taking All the Blame
"I will keep constant watch over myself and‚ most usefully‚ will put each day up for review." Seneca When things go wrong in your marriage, it’s easy to start building a case. You remember what she said. You remember what you said. You can probably point to the moment...
It can be a big moment, like exploring a new place or engaging in a new activity that you both enjoyed. Doing something new together can re-ignite the “in love” feelings that brought you together in the first place.
It can be a small moment, like watching the first snowfall of the year or a beautiful sunset together.
It can be a spontaneous moment where something struck you both so funny that you dissolved in shared laughter.
It can be momentous, like finding a solution to a long-standing challenge or just being able to talk about it without ending up in an argument.
The challenge is to set aside some time and really think through the year.
Once you have your ten moments, spend some additional time identifying what was different that allowed those times to break through. Was there less stress? Were you away from the daily grind? Had you been more intimate?
Whatever the answer, the next step is to intentionally create more of those conditions.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Contact me and share your number one moment with me. I’d love to hear about your successes.
