“Marriage is our last best chance to grow up.” Joseph Barth
My mother would often tell the story about how my father would correct her, in public, over a minor “factual” mistake. If she said something was ½ inch, he, an engineer, would point out it was actually 3/8 inch.
I don’t know whether that conversation ever actually happened, but I have heard similar reports from clients over the years.
It was Friday. No, it was Tuesday.
You said this. No, I didn’t.
In the immortal words of therapist Terry Real, “Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who cares?”
The need to be “right” is a focus on the “trees” instead of seeing the big picture of the “forest”.
You always have a comeback. A counterargument. A more “rational” moral high ground.
What it is really is a defense of your ego–at the expense of your marriage.
Because if you’re “right”, she has to be “wrong”.
And if either of you are “losing”, so is your marriage.
It becomes a slow drip that erodes the foundation of your relationship over time.
Responsibility, Not Blame for Your Marriage
"The single most empowering thing you can do is take responsibility for yourself, 100% of the time." Mel Robbins If you’ve ever had an argument with your wife and found yourself mentally building a case for why you were right, you’re not alone. You remember what she...
You’ve Changed But Your Wife Doesn’t Trust It
"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right." Tony Robbins There’s a statistic every married man should know: Women initiate roughly 67% to 90% of divorces, depending on the study and the population being measured. The...
Own Your Part Without Taking All the Blame
"I will keep constant watch over myself and‚ most usefully‚ will put each day up for review." Seneca When things go wrong in your marriage, it’s easy to start building a case. You remember what she said. You remember what you said. You can probably point to the moment...
The way for all of you to “win”—you, your wife, your marriage—is for you to lead, not try to dominate.
Being “right” is a way to remain in your comfort zone. To push back against any and all of her “challenges”.
But marriage is about growth. And growth is uncomfortable.
It requires learning. About you. About your wife. About what makes relationships work.
It’s really no different than any other aspect of your life.
You learn for work. You learn for your hobbies. You often learn for parenting.
Your marriage is no different.
In fact, it’s more important.
Because the cost of stagnation, of your comfort, is exceedingly high.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Contact me if you want to stop “being right” and win at your marriage instead.
