“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” —Robert A. Heinlein
Every February, two major “events” collide.
Valentine’s Day and the Super Bowl.
On the surface, they couldn’t be more different—one wrapped in hearts and expectations, the other in wings and commercials.
But beneath the marketing, they have something important in common:
They matter deeply to some people… and not at all to others.
And that’s exactly where marriages either build trust—or quietly burn it down.
Let’s be honest: both Valentine’s Day and the Super Bowl are marketing machines.
Florists, jewelers, restaurants, and Hallmark make Valentine’s Day feel mandatory.
Advertisers, networks, and over the top half-time shows turn the Super Bowl into a cultural spectacle.
But marketing doesn’t create meaning. It only amplifies what’s already there.
For some people, Valentine’s Day represents feeling chosen, prioritized, and cherished.
For others, it feels artificial, forced, or even annoying.
For some, the Super Bowl is tradition, loyalty, nostalgia, and connection.
For others, it’s just noise and a long Sunday.
Neither side is wrong.
The problem starts when couples confuse personal meaning with universal importance—or worse, dismiss what matters to their spouse because it doesn’t matter to them.
Here’s the part most couples miss:
When something matters to your spouse more than it matters to you, your participation becomes the gift.
Not the roses.
Not the dinner reservations.
Not the snacks or the much anticipated commercials.
Your presence.
Your engagement.
Your willingness to step into their world for a moment and say, “This matters to you, so it matters to me.”
That’s not about holidays or football. That’s about emotional safety.
Most men I work with aren’t refusing to participate. They’re doing something far more dangerous:
They’re half-assing it.
Tired of Being Blamed for Your Marriage?
"Many think that assigning blame settles matters." ~ Mason Cooley A while back I wrote a post, Is Your Wife Always Mad at You?, and it generated a lot of comments. Some of you said: “So women get to act like children and men have to stay calm?”“Why is it always about...
Marriage is NOT a Test (or Shouldn’t Be)
"We are what we repeatedly do... excellence, therefore, isn't just an act, but a habit." Aristotle A reader recently pushed back on the idea of emotional steadiness in marriage: Marriage is a test. Thousands of questions. Get one wrong and you flunk. She unloads...
What It Really Takes to Make Your Marriage Thrive
"Maturity: to do what’s important and to ignore what’s not." Maxime Lagacé You can be talented.You can be smart.You can be highly competent at work. None of that guarantees you’ll thrive in your marriage. The edge doesn’t belong to the most intelligent man in the...
Showing up physically but not emotionally.
Buying a predictable gift, and being resentful.
Watching the game, but not really including your wife in your enjoyment.
From the outside, it looks like compliance.
From the inside, it feels like rejection.
Half-hearted participation sends a clear message:
“I’m doing this because I have to, not because I care.”
And that message lands harder than doing nothing at all.
There’s a world of difference between:
“I guess this is what I need to do to stay out of the doghouse.”
and
“I know this matters to you, and I want to show you that you matter to me.”
Same activity.
Completely different impact.
One builds goodwill and trust.
The other deposits quiet resentment into the emotional bank account—and resentment always collects interest.
Valentine’s Day and the Super Bowl aren’t tests of romance or commitment.
They’re tests of attunement.
Can you notice what lights your partner up—even when it doesn’t light you up?
Can you participate without keeping score?
Can you bring your full self instead of checking the box?
Because marriage isn’t sustained by shared interests alone. It’s sustained by shared effort—especially when the effort costs you comfort.
The Question Worth Asking
This February, the real question isn’t about either Valentine’s Day or the Super Bowl.
It’s this:
Am I showing up in a way that lets my spouse feel chosen… or merely tolerated?
Because heartfelt participation isn’t about the calendar.
It’s about love that says,
“I see you—and I’m willing to step into what matters to you, not just what matters to me.”
And that kind of participation?
That’s never half-assed.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. If you really want to make your marriage great, contact me and type READY.
