“The way a team plays as a whole determines its success.” Babe Ruth
Love is in the air. At least it is in my neck of the woods.
Each of the children who grew up on my block have or are about to tie the knot.
My daughter got married 5 ½ years ago. The four boys—from 3 families–are following suit.
One of my nieces has also recently got engaged.
So much for marriage not being of interest to Millennials.
All, with the exception of one couple, are already living together. Which means they already have some lifestyle behaviors in place. Some that may bump up against what’s needed for a healthy marriage.
My husband and I didn’t move in together until after we were engaged, so we had the opportunity to start our life together thinking about what we wanted our marriage to look like.
But, Lesli, these couples might ask, isn’t getting married just about the piece of paper and the party? We’re in love and are already living together. We’re just formalizing the relationship.
But marriage is different. Your lives become entwined in a unique way. Not only are there legal implications, but all of the choices either of you make directly or indirectly impact the other.
You are no longer independent. Your decisions are no longer yours to make alone. Marriage makes you interdependent.
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If you want your marriage to be successful, you need to adopt this mindset.
I’m a long-time baseball fan (Go Dodgers!). Marriage, to me, is akin to the relationship between a pitcher and a catcher. The two players negotiate what needs to happen to get each batter out so they can win the game.
Bull Durham is one of my favorite movies (and the best sports movie ever made). There’s a scene where Nuke, the pitcher, keeps shaking off the signs from Crash, his catcher. In other words, trying to make a unilateral decision.
Crash decides to teach him a lesson by telling the batter what the next pitch is going to be. The batter hits it out of the park for a home run and the Bulls lose the game.
Now your marriage is neither a game nor a movie. But if you “shake off” your wife’s input, you could lose everything. Your relationship is too important for that.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. If you have difficulty making good decisions together, reach out and share what your biggest challenge is.
