“We need a place in which we may flourish and be ourselves.” Timothy Radcliffe
I want to be in a marriage where my feelings are minimized, my desires are ignored, and I walk on eggshells all the time.
Said. No. One. Ever.
What most people want, maybe even you, is a good marriage.
But have you defined what would actually make a marriage good?
Is it the number of years it lasts, regardless of its quality?
Is not getting divorced the only criteria that makes it “good”?
If you can’t answer with a resounding YES when someone asks if your marriage is good, it probably isn’t.
The truth is most marriages aren’t good, let alone great. Even if they’ve lasted a long time.
This isn’t to assign blame. Just a statement of fact.
That’s because few people even know what a good marriage should look and feel like.
It’s not their fault. Or yours either.
You can’t know what you haven’t seen or been taught.
And if you follow a lot of marriage “advice”, you won’t get there either.
Tired of Being Blamed for Your Marriage?
"Many think that assigning blame settles matters." ~ Mason Cooley A while back I wrote a post, Is Your Wife Always Mad at You?, and it generated a lot of comments. Some of you said: “So women get to act like children and men have to stay calm?”“Why is it always about...
Marriage is NOT a Test (or Shouldn’t Be)
"We are what we repeatedly do... excellence, therefore, isn't just an act, but a habit." Aristotle A reader recently pushed back on the idea of emotional steadiness in marriage: Marriage is a test. Thousands of questions. Get one wrong and you flunk. She unloads...
What It Really Takes to Make Your Marriage Thrive
"Maturity: to do what’s important and to ignore what’s not." Maxime Lagacé You can be talented.You can be smart.You can be highly competent at work. None of that guarantees you’ll thrive in your marriage. The edge doesn’t belong to the most intelligent man in the...
Marriage is said to require work, compromise, and sacrifice. Three words I won’t ever use in the same sentence as marriage.
If you do any of those things, at best you will have a marriage you tolerate. At worst, you will end up resentful and frustrated. What you won’t have is a marriage that flourishes.
You may say your marriage is “fine” or “okay” but is it really? Or are you afraid of really taking a close look because you might realize “okay” or “tolerable” isn’t good enough?
I’m not saying that divorce is the answer. I am saying that if nothing changes, divorce will probably be the result.
Most couples “tolerate” unwanted things in their marriages for years because they don’t know how to get them to change. You keep accepting them until one of you can’t take it anymore.
If you want your marriage not just to survive, but to actually thrive, you have to stop accepting things that aren’t okay.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Contact me and let me know what you’re tired of tolerating in your marriage.
