“Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make.” Stephen Covey
At this time when we are celebrating Fourth of July—the day we recognize the beginning of the United States fight for independence from Great Britain—I want to praise the equally important concept of interdependence.
You may wonder what Independence Day has to do with marriage. A lot actually.
You see, when our Founding Fathers set out to create a new form of government, their first attempt became the Articles of Confederation.
These Articles kept the national government weak and encouraged the states to be as independent as possible.
Each state viewed its own independence, freedom, and power as more important than what was good for the nation as a whole. This led to frequent arguments between the states.
In addition, the states would not willingly give money to financially support the national government. This lack of allegiance to a national identity made cooperation on important matters challenging. With the resulting financial mess creating economic frustration for ordinary people.
A lot of marriages are set up with the same premise as the Articles of Confederation—with the same focus on maintaining individual freedom and independence. And, big surprise, the resulting failure is pretty much the same.
Luckily, those same Founding Fathers went back to the drawing board and created the Constitution of the United States.
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By granting powers to a central authority while balancing the rights of the individual states, the Constitution was meant to form a system that valued both the independence of its members and a shared purpose (interdependence).
Interdependence is the condition where two or more people depend on or affect each other in such a way that the actions of one will influence the other.
Interdependent relationships are characterized by mutual reliance, reciprocity, and shared goals.
A perfect definition of marriage.
In this type of relationship, each partner is encouraged to maintain a sense of self, the flexibility to move towards each other in times of need, and the freedom to equally participate in making decisions.
Because living and working cooperatively makes us healthier, happier, and more successful.
So while you’re enjoying the food, parades, and fireworks this weekend, take a moment to reflect on how interdependent we all are.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and share how you balance your individual needs with the needs of your marriage.
