“We are wired for connection. But the key is that, in any given moment of it, it has to be real.” Brene Brown
In the world of family law attorneys and marriage counselors, January is known as Divorce Month.
This is the second in a series about Marriage Red Flags that I want you to be aware of, so you don’t fall victim to divorce in the New Year.
A lot of men assume that because they live with their wife, sleep next to her, share a home, raise kids, and handle logistics together… that they’re connected.
But proximity—physical closeness—does not automatically create emotional closeness.
You can sit next to someone every day and still feel miles apart. And in marriage, this is one of the most dangerous dynamics of all.
In fact, many marriages fail quietly because the couple is technically together while emotionally drifting further and further apart. It doesn’t usually happen with an explosion. It happens with silence. With distance. With two people going through the motions while their inner worlds stop meeting.
Connection requires engagement.
Proximity? That just requires being in the same room.
You can be busy, distracted, stressed, or numbed out by routine and still technically be “around.”
But if you’re not intentionally connecting, your presence doesn’t register as safety, support, or closeness.
Marriage Is More Than the Wedding Day
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tzu My 40th anniversary celebration seems to continue. My husband and I are currently doing a mini version of our honeymoon in Sonoma Valley. We're on our way to our...
Lessons from a 40-Year Marriage
“If you live to be a hundred, I hope I live to be a hundred minus one day, so that I never have to live a day without you.” —Winnie the Pooh I wasn’t supposed to celebrate a 40-year wedding anniversary. At least, not according to the odds. I’m a child of divorce. I...
Are You Letting Your Marriage Run Out of Time?
"Your life, in the end, is the sum total of how you spent your time." Cherie Carter-Scott Most men don’t have a motivation problem.They have a hesitation problem. Not because they’re lazy.Not because they don’t care.And definitely not because they don’t want a better...
Why This Is a Red Flag
When proximity replaces connection, you start living parallel lives.
You’re under the same roof, but you’re living like roommates or business partners. What made the marriage fun, interesting, and intimate is gone.
Here’s why that’s dangerous:
- Couples don’t wake up one day disconnected. They drift. And once drifting starts, it accelerates unless you actively course-correct.
- When connection is weak, your margin for error shrinks. A harmless comment lands wrong. A missed cue feels personal. A misunderstanding becomes a fight.
- Sex becomes less frequent or more disconnected. Emotional intimacy evaporates. Your marriage becomes superficial and transactional.
- When connection feels hard, many men retreat even further—into work, hobbies, screens, or silence. That deepens the gap and reinforces the pattern.
If This Is Happening in Your Marriage… Pay Attention
Proximity without connection is not a neutral state. It’s a warning.
The good news? It’s also reversible—if you take action now.
So I created something to help…The Marriage Red Flag Snapshot.
It’s a personalized diagnostic (normally $297) where I review your marriage for the presence of red flags and show you the 1–2 refinements that will help protect your relationship from divorce.
I’m gifting this to the first 6 people who respond. If you’d like one of the complimentary spots, just reply SNAPSHOT.
