“In a successful marriage, there is no such thing as one’s way. There is only the way of both, only the bumpy, dusty, difficult, but always mutual path.” Phyllis McGinley
Miserable and marriage should never be used in the same sentence!
But for far too many couples, one or both seem to be suffering.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this after reading The Life Changing Magic of No Longer Being a Wife
The author writes, “The role of wife still routinely asks us to sacrifice our careers, subsume our identities, and deprioritize our needs.”
If you’re asked to do something you don’t want to do, an acceptable answer is “No”.
No one can make you sacrifice your career or subsume your identity unless you let them.
If you “buy” into others’ expectations of you as a wife, that is a choice you’re making. Even if those expectations come from your spouse.
What leads to suffering in most marriages is the simple fact that 70% of people report that they were unprepared or unaware of the stages of marriage. So when they hit the “Disillusionment” stage, they are completely at sea.
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Disillusionment comes after Falling in Love and Becoming a Couple. It is the predictable outcome of two people trying to join their lives. All of the habits and behaviors you didn’t know about or downplayed are now staring you in the face.
The beginning of the end of your marriage starts here. If the two of you can’t navigate this stage, you both will end up unhappy.
This is also where you start focusing on all the things your partner is doing wrong. But it’s a mistake.
The truth is much more complicated than what your partner is doing. You each are contributing to what your relationship looks like.
If you were a capable, generous person before you married and you’re not now—that’s on you. Regardless of what your spouse does.
If you were selfish and entitled and she married you anyway—you both own it.
This is what the author seems to miss.
Are you missing it too?
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know what you want to do about any suffering you’re experiencing in your marriage.
