“A goal without a plan is only a dream.” Brian Tracy
It’s a new year but will your marriage still struggle with the same problems?
Probably not what you want to be thinking about as the calendar turns over yet again.
But I have a question–if not now, when?
Three men I talked to in December are struggling with similar problems:
70-year-old Henry recently sold his home and moved to a 1-bedroom apartment across the country to be closer to his children and grandchildren. He and his wife haven’t slept in the same bed for several years and now he’s sleeping on the couch. He says every time he tries to talk to his wife about the situation, she shuts him down.
David read my piece on the impact of menopause on your marriage and shared that his wife gets really upset with him when he asks her simple questions. Their intimacy isn’t what he would like it to be either.
Finally, Mark is a new dad of a 9-month-old. He also struggles to have meaningful conversations with his wife. They always seem to end up in arguments, and he feels blamed for bringing things up in the first place. He shuts down which only makes the situation worse.
Can you relate?
Each man is in a different phase of life and marriage, but they are all following the same strategy–practicing defense. Hoping to keep the peace but at a loss as to how to make things better.
Responsibility, Not Blame for Your Marriage
"The single most empowering thing you can do is take responsibility for yourself, 100% of the time." Mel Robbins If you’ve ever had an argument with your wife and found yourself mentally building a case for why you were right, you’re not alone. You remember what she...
You’ve Changed But Your Wife Doesn’t Trust It
"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right." Tony Robbins There’s a statistic every married man should know: Women initiate roughly 67% to 90% of divorces, depending on the study and the population being measured. The...
Own Your Part Without Taking All the Blame
"I will keep constant watch over myself and‚ most usefully‚ will put each day up for review." Seneca When things go wrong in your marriage, it’s easy to start building a case. You remember what she said. You remember what you said. You can probably point to the moment...
Any sports coach will tell you that having a good defense is important. But you can’t win if you don’t also put points on the scoreboard.
And most men have no idea how to do this successfully in their marriage.
It’s not their fault. They’ve just never learned the rules of the marriage game. (Yes, there are rules and most women don’t know them either.)
An important point to remember is that you and your wife aren’t on opposite teams. You are on the same one and you will either win or lose at your marriage together.
I know that it can feel overwhelming at times but don’t give up hope. Because hope is believing you have the power to make things better.
According to Chan Hellman, director of The Hope Research Center at The University of Oklahoma, you need three things to cultivate hope:
- Be able to envision a better future
- The motivation to move toward that future
- Be able to chart a path from where you are to where you want to be
Those are all things I help my clients do.
If you’re ready to have a better marriage, contact me and type in the word “HOPE.” You don’t have to do this alone.
