“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Bernard of Clairvaux
I was talking to Paul, one of the members in my Good Guys, Great Husbands Facebook group earlier this week. He’s a new dad and wants to be supportive of his wife during this exhausting and exhilarating time. However, he is at a complete loss about how to handle a specific request from her.
She has decided that washing the bottles in either the sink or dishwasher isn’t safe enough. She wants to get a dedicated bottle cleaning appliance.
Even though he thinks the dishwasher is good enough, he is willing to support her in this purchase.
But…..
They decided to keep their money separate when they got married. She also makes almost double his salary, but she wants him to pay for the $200 bottle washer.
Sooooo, he’s in a dilemma.
He doesn’t want to upset her at this challenging time.
He also doesn’t want to pay for something he doesn’t feel is necessary. But it’s only $200.
The problem is this isn’t the first time she has wanted him to pay for something she wants out of his account.
I understand why couples go this route. The idea is if they don’t mix their finances, there won’t be arguments about money.
This situation is a prime example of why that often doesn’t work.
They may not have disagreements, but Paul is starting to feel resentful about this pattern.
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So, in isolation, his decision to buy the appliance isn’t a problem. But his growing resentment is.
Making individual decisions from the place of goodwill sounds good. Until an unproductive pattern develops of giving in consistently to things you don’t really want to give in to.
This either leads to resentment on your part, the creation of an imbalanced relationship, or both. None of which is good for your marriage.
The answer isn’t to get into it every time something like this happens. The answer is to have a blueprint for how to set up your marriage, so your decisions aren’t made in isolation. This will allow your good intentions to be received in the loving way they are meant. Not as a prelude to divorce.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach Out and let me know what your biggest marriage dilemma is.
