“He who stops being better stops being good.” Oliver Cromwell
You’re familiar with the expression “nice guys finish last” aren’t you? Maybe you’ve experienced that for yourself at some point in your life.
I’m not saying don’t be nice. I’m just saying it’s not enough.
Nice is defined as “pleasing and agreeable in nature”. It’s a behavior that can be seen as being relatively superficial in impact.
On the other hand, good is defined as “of a favorable character or tendency”. It is seen as a reflection of moral excellence and good behavior. Not good behavior by itself.
On the surface, being nice and being good can look the same. The important difference is what lies underneath.
If you’re only nice, you can be seen as going along to get along. You don’t have to take a position that will make the people around you uncomfortable. You try to please others so you will be accepted.
Other times it can be seen as a ploy to get what you want. So the “niceness” comes and goes.
Neither one of those positions inspires trust or admiration.
But being nice because you’re actually a good guy will.
Tired of Being Blamed for Your Marriage?
"Many think that assigning blame settles matters." ~ Mason Cooley A while back I wrote a post, Is Your Wife Always Mad at You?, and it generated a lot of comments. Some of you said: “So women get to act like children and men have to stay calm?”“Why is it always about...
Marriage is NOT a Test (or Shouldn’t Be)
"We are what we repeatedly do... excellence, therefore, isn't just an act, but a habit." Aristotle A reader recently pushed back on the idea of emotional steadiness in marriage: Marriage is a test. Thousands of questions. Get one wrong and you flunk. She unloads...
What It Really Takes to Make Your Marriage Thrive
"Maturity: to do what’s important and to ignore what’s not." Maxime Lagacé You can be talented.You can be smart.You can be highly competent at work. None of that guarantees you’ll thrive in your marriage. The edge doesn’t belong to the most intelligent man in the...
Good guys are kind, generous, and supportive because they have a moral center. For them, being nice isn’t a superficial behavior. It’s a reflection of who they are at their core.
Good guys don’t stay quiet when they see inappropriate or harmful behavior going on. They don’t remain silent when their mother makes an unkind remark about their wife. They don’t just smile when someone tells an off-color joke.
Good guys are secure in who they are so they don’t get defensive when someone critiques them in a less than positive way. They listen respectfully, take in what is appropriate, and let go of the rest.
Good guys make others feel safe and secure because they behave in consistent and honorable ways.
Good guys are nice, kind, generous, and protective because they see everyone as valuable. They don’t see themselves as better than anyone else.
It is these qualities and behaviors that make everyone around you feel seen, heard, and valued.
And isn’t that how you want those you love to feel?
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and share what makes you a good guy, not just a nice one.
Hmm I think I’m a mixture of both
Good guys are NICE guys but not necessarily the other way around.