“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” David Augsberger
I recently received a comment on my post “Why Your Wife is Always Angry with You”. It was by a man who said that I believe that women are always right and men are always wrong.
I respect his perspective even though I disagree with it completely. I don’t believe anyone is right all the time. And I think it’s a tremendous disservice to relationships for anyone to believe this about themselves or their partner.
And I try to live that position.
I make a real effort to apologize when I have made a mistake.
I take pride in getting the instructors at my ballroom dance studio to stop saying, “men start on their left foot and women start on their right—because women are always right.”
But there is one thing that your wife IS right about—her feelings.
And you’re right about yours. As I am about mine.
But far too often, emotions are treated like something not real or completely irrational.
But emotions are messages from your soul.
Are You Repeating Your Parents’ Marriage?
"Your habits will determine your future." Jack Canfield You probably learned how to change a tire, manage money, and do your job by watching someone else. Marriage? Probably the same way. Nobody handed you a manual explaining how to handle conflict, communicate with...
Responsibility, Not Blame for Your Marriage
"The single most empowering thing you can do is take responsibility for yourself, 100% of the time." Mel Robbins If you’ve ever had an argument with your wife and found yourself mentally building a case for why you were right, you’re not alone. You remember what she...
You’ve Changed But Your Wife Doesn’t Trust It
"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right." Tony Robbins There’s a statistic every married man should know: Women initiate roughly 67% to 90% of divorces, depending on the study and the population being measured. The...
Some are welcome. Like happiness, love, joy.
Others, like sadness, longing, disappointment, hurt, and anger—not so much.
If you aren’t comfortable with your own emotions, you will have difficulty being present with someone else’s.
Far too many men I have talked to feel that if their wife is experiencing any challenging emotion, they have failed to protect her.
Instead of trying to “fix” her feelings (or anyone else’s), get curious about them.
No, you may not feel the same way. That isn’t necessary to give her the space and safety to express them.
Because, as Dr. Kelly Flanagan recently wrote, “yesterday’s trapped pain becomes today’s triggered trauma”.
And if your goal, like many a good man’s is, is to make your wife’s life as pleasant as possible, the answer is to allow her to feel her feelings fully.
And she should allow you to feel yours fully as well.
That’s the path to a truly connected and intimate marriage.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Contact Me and let me know what challenges you have coping with your wife’s feelings.
Thank you, I needed to read this
Glad you found it helpful. Could you share what resonated the most with you?