“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” David Augsberger
I recently received a comment on my post “Why Your Wife is Always Angry with You”. It was by a man who said that I believe that women are always right and men are always wrong.
I respect his perspective even though I disagree with it completely. I don’t believe anyone is right all the time. And I think it’s a tremendous disservice to relationships for anyone to believe this about themselves or their partner.
And I try to live that position.
I make a real effort to apologize when I have made a mistake.
I take pride in getting the instructors at my ballroom dance studio to stop saying, “men start on their left foot and women start on their right—because women are always right.”
But there is one thing that your wife IS right about—her feelings.
And you’re right about yours. As I am about mine.
But far too often, emotions are treated like something not real or completely irrational.
But emotions are messages from your soul.
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Some are welcome. Like happiness, love, joy.
Others, like sadness, longing, disappointment, hurt, and anger—not so much.
If you aren’t comfortable with your own emotions, you will have difficulty being present with someone else’s.
Far too many men I have talked to feel that if their wife is experiencing any challenging emotion, they have failed to protect her.
Instead of trying to “fix” her feelings (or anyone else’s), get curious about them.
No, you may not feel the same way. That isn’t necessary to give her the space and safety to express them.
Because, as Dr. Kelly Flanagan recently wrote, “yesterday’s trapped pain becomes today’s triggered trauma”.
And if your goal, like many a good man’s is, is to make your wife’s life as pleasant as possible, the answer is to allow her to feel her feelings fully.
And she should allow you to feel yours fully as well.
That’s the path to a truly connected and intimate marriage.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Contact Me and let me know what challenges you have coping with your wife’s feelings.
Thank you, I needed to read this
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